"Till the water runs cold"

For just a little over a month now, my life has has taken a turn I never expected.  A turn that any mother or woman in this world should never have to experience.  Not only did I leave my fiancé, I've had to fight a slight custody battle with my ex husband, out of nowhere.  Boom. I ask the universe, "Why me?", and then I remember someone in church saying once, "why NOT me?"  

You always wonder what might be going on in someone's life, what makes them act the way they do.  Having hard times maybe, family issues, financial problems, pain and suffering from a loved ones loss...or at least I do.  I wonder, "is that person struggling like me?"  "I bet they have no clue what I'm going through".  However, surprisingly enough some have been through worse situations.  I know of a brave soul who is literally dealing with the struggle of her husbands cancer.  And yet I complain and worry?  Worry about what??  I don't even want to imagine if anyone else I love in my life were dealing with the most evil and non-forgiving disease cancer.  

I'm tolerant and somewhat patient, but don't mess with my children's well being.  When my babies cry, my feathers fluff and they "fluffed" yesterday around 4:15 pm when my oldest son Tyler called me frantic.  Not even able to talk clearly and get his words out to me, basically having a panic attack.  In a nutshell, my ex husband Tom is moving to Charleston, SC for a job (4 hour away) with plans on taking Tyler who is almost 14 years old with him full time.  Tyler finally decided on his own he didn't want to go, and his dad had a hard time with this.  On the drive back up from Charleston yesterday evening my ex husband gets the message from Tyler that he doesn't want to live there full time, he wants to stay in North Carolina with me and visit his dad in Charleston.  This had Tyler scared, so scared he was asking me what to do every minute via text.  I immediately went into "save my kid" mode.  Tyler was happily playing at a buddy's house, next thing I know I'm asking his buddy's parent to please take Tyler to his grand-mothers house fast before his dad gets back in 45 minutes.  Tyler was at first alone there asking me what to do if daddy gets there.

 I felt helpless, I was twenty minutes away.  Tom was not in a rational state of mind.  Next thing I know, I've rounded up the calvary there before Tom even had a chance to get back waiting on him,Toms wife, mom and dad.  All of which are on Tyler's side at this point.  Poor Tyler, having to suffer because of adults not being adults. For a kid who can't speak well especially when his emotions have him upset, he handled himself very well and I'm proud of him.  The last text I received from Tyler last night was great.  

It's hard to explain the bond between a mother and her child, so I will try to give you my take on what it's like for those of you without children, or those who might not fully understand.  I guess imagine an invisible umbilical cord, from mama to the baby that never gets cut. The same for the bond that happens.  I was going to try and use material objects and possession loss as a comparison to what I felt yesterday.  Not even that comes slightly close to the way I felt.  I have three humans in this big galaxy who deeply depend on me, their mama.  They need me, love me and make my life worth living.  I will fight a grizzly bear for them if need be, a mothers love is untouched.  

I'm very content this morning as I sit here sipping my coffee.  All three of my kids will be with me full time now.  Daniel and I are working things out as I've "taught" him his lesson he says.  I want to be a family, we might not always function perfectly as most families don't, lol......however we will function better, one day at a time.  I never know what each new day will bring, but I will tell you this...I'm stronger today than I was yesterday.  My heart feels all fluttery inside, warm and fuzzy.  That snuggly feeling you get when you get a tight hug from your children.  I can't wait to see Tyler again so I can hug him tight.  He's bigger than me, he even has to bend down to hug me.  He and I will never forget, "Till the water runs cold". 

My daughter holds a special place in my heart.  Destiny is 16, with such tremendous logic.  She was such a huge help to Tyler and I yesterday giving both of us advice via text while she was at work.  I ask Destiny to help with Tyler a lot, she's the only other person I know who loves Tyler almost as her own, even though they are siblings.  I love you Destiny, I know your nosy self will be reading this. ;) thank you for being you.  

"Live Simply ~ Part 2"

This is only my take on living simple to each their own.  How I live is how I like living, so my lifestyle might seem odd to you but it makes me happy.  

"Simplicity is the peak of civilization" ~ Jessie Sampter  

Less can be more for me.  

The less clutter on my dresser, the better I feel about that piece of furniture. My mind is more at ease.  When I clean out my email the same feeling.  Decluttering basically gives me control over my future emotions, where a mess would give me anxiety.  Tidy up now and save myself the grief of spending hours later.  OCD maybe? No, this is how I function.  Without organization I would lose my mind.  But this isn't only about year round spring cleaning, but keeping my mind zen.  Balance. Without balance in my life I cannot function, so I create my own balance.  Simple mindset, simple lifestyle.  

I will be good to people.

This world can be ugly, we need more good in the world so I like to be a part of the good realm.  Having uplifting conversations with total strangers, giving to the needy and I'm not talking about dropping a bag of stuff off at the Goodwill. Give one of my two Egyptian cotton sheet sets to a woman who has no sheets to sleep on.  Give her my shirt if she likes it, I have more shirts at home. I believe in karma. 

I will be positive.

Even when the negative looms all around me.  I love my fiancée with all my heart, however he is filled with negative energy.  He radiates negativity to the point to where I have to get away from him.  My fiancée is an extreme pessimist.  He looks at the bad before envisioning what good could come out of the situation.  I think happy thoughts therefore I am.  He thinks I'm some "hippie, spiritualist nature lover", I'm ok with this label.  I'm nice even when he's mean, I kill with kindness which is fail safe.  

I will be slow to anger.

Anger is evil, it harvests demons that create more evil. I make the conscious choice to not be angry.  Yes, I DO and have gotten angry however it's a rare occasion and I'm only human. I can only control so much on my own, and the rest to the universe.  Nothing works right when I do it with anger, and I like things to work right.  I don't scream or yell at my children to correct them, it only makes the situation worse and teaches them dysfunctional communicative skills with others.  I teach patience by showing it, and it has paid off.  

I will sacrifice.

The happiness of my children is at the top of my priority list in life.  Being a mother has taught me everything I'm telling you here.  I will jump through hoops to see that my kids are happy.  I love to talk to them about everything life has to offer, long talks when they are sad.  I have raised good well-rounded children and they have the foundation they need to build a strong future, and that's my purpose as a mother.  Creating "good" people.  I sacrifice having a polished wardrobe, mani's and pedi's, haircuts, junk food, and all things glam so they can have whatever makes them happy.  Seeing a smile on their face is like Christmas morning, addicting.  The more they laugh the less they cry, make them laugh and be silly with my kids.  

I read the Bible.

I'm not going to preach, but this book teaches good therefore I read and apply the lessons to my daily life.  My golden rule is to treat others as you would have them treat you.  If I had two of the same thing, one being in worse shape than the other, I will give the best of the two.  If you're girlfriend has two pairs of jeans to loan you, would you honestly accept the jeans with that noticeable stain? If I was the one loaning the jeans, my friend gets the better pair.  It might not matter to her, however I'm happy inside when I know I've made that simple sacrifice.  Living simple involves a lot of sacrice for me.  

I will connect with nature everyday.  

Even if it's just a brief walk on my deck, I want the fresh air in my lungs and the sunshine on my face. Ultimately, I love gardening and digging in the dirt.  The earth has an energy field all it's own, and I tap into that daily.  Now am I sounding odd? Ha.  

I will stay busy.

My idle mind is a dangerous mind.  I don't need to lie around all day so that my mind wanders off course.  I have never been bored, even when I have nothing to do.  Having nothing to do is actually a great time to DO something, so I meditate. I envision positive things happening, I make goals and plans, I might teach myself something new.  I have several "projects" going so that I always have something to look forward too.  I'm up with the sun, and down with the moon. Meaning I only sleep when my body says too and that's not much and I'm ok with this.  I will never have a maid, or a nanny for my kids.  My house and my children are solely MY responsibility and no one else's.  

I will eat "clean".

You might not agree with my diet whatsoever.  I even think it's a bit odd, ha....but it works for me.  My diet is no diet at all, I only eat food to nourish my body. I don't eat food to diminish hunger.  I do stay away from meat, bread, and all junk.  Yes, ALL junk.  It feels gross to eat something I know isn't going to promote a healthier lifestyle, after all I do want to be here to see my children grow up.  I don't crave junk, because my body rejects it. I believe we are what we eat. 

I will be content with what I have.

This world is so materialistic these days, with big fancy possessions being some peoples "goals". If I had a million dollars, I would have a million dollar home.  I do not have a million dollars though, therefore I do to live in a million dollar home, and that's ok because I'm happy with my home.  It's big enough to meet our family's needs yet small enough to afford and keep clean.  I am not ashamed of my home that I toil so hard over every day of my life.  I will not idolize my possessions, and like any woman I have things like jewelry, perfume, highheels, dress clothes, nice cars (all paid for). So if I lost everything I have, I don't lose much.  This might tie into my childhood a bit, I've become accustomed to losing things, friends and loved ones which makes it hard for me to deeply connect with the outside world.  I don't like to become attached to things or people (except for my kids and fiancée).  I have had a lot of things in my life, as well as lost them.  Going without something always has made me appreciate it more.  I'm ok with not ever owning a pair of Louboutins, but yes sure they're beautiful.  I might not ever have a five carat diamond ring, I'm happy with the one I have.  I hope you see where I'm going with this.  I don't miss something I've never had.  

I will be honest.

Truly as cliche as this sounds, honesty IS the best policy for me. Lies beget lies, and can distinguish trust in my relationships.  I want those that love me and trust in me to know I will do as I say.  When I am faced with a question I don't like to answer, I tackle the response with candid honesty. For me it's easier to go ahead and deal with the circumstances at hand face-to-face rather than letting the problem fester.  Talk, communicate openly with my family and friends.  

I will sing everyday. 

Music has always been a big part of my life. I love to sing, it makes me happy inside.  Music can uplift me, it can be my friend when I have none.  

I will be happy.

This is MY choice and no one else's.  I can either choose to be in a bad mood or a good one. I will not let my environment control me or my emotions.  I have cried of course, like I've said I'm only human. 

Zen is my mantra, balance, peace, harmony. This how I "live simply". 

"Live Simply - Part 1"

"Live Simply" 

What does this mean to you?  To "live simply"? To me this means more than the tangible things in life. Simplify your mind and your life will follow a natural course.  I live day to day as simple as possible which I'm going to try to explain.  

My Background: in a nutshell sorta

Chaos, stress, unemployment, job loss, past due bills, hard times, sadness.  I choose to use these things to motivate me instead of letting them break me down.  Some wonder how I do it, I often times wonder how I do it too.  Maybe my childhood would clear things up if I put it on paper (or my ipad).  I didn't have a normal upbringing, at least to me it wasn't normal in any way.  

Born May 29, 1978  "Tina Marie Parr" I have no idea how much I weighed, or what I looked like as a newborn.  My mother, Peggy Parr never prepared a baby book for me.  I do have pics of when I was 1 yr. old and on however.  My mother died on March 29, 2010, I know this only because I googled her name one day.  I wanted to find her, I hadn't seen her since I was 9 years old.  My dad and I left her one day, we packed up and left in a hurry for Granny Parr's house.  Had we not, I might not be here today and so the story begins.

My dad was a full-time long distance truck driver.  My mother, a licensed cosmetologist, singer, and entertainer and severe alcoholic, she couldn't hold a job down. She took a .32 caliber hand gun out and pointed it to my leg in a drunken stupor, threatening to shoot me if I didn't give her my lunch money ($2.25) for more beer.  I reluctantly gave it to her, I liked eating at school it was all I got to eat all day.  I couldn't understand why she wanted more beer when she was already drunk.  Sure enough she took off to wherever I don't know because she didn't come back until the next day.  Nothing new to me, daddy was gone and Tina had to take care of mama when she passed out in the living room smoking cigarettes and drinking, and singing all night. She had a voice of an angel, she would sing in bars with her mother playing the piano.  Mama was beautiful, could get (and did get) lots of men, always bar hopping and running around.  She would "buy" my love instead of spending time with me, showering me in gifts.  Every time she would buy me something, it made me sad and I didn't understand why.  

So, I'm 9 years old and my parents divorce, as my dad and I move in with Granny Parr.  My granny became my mother figure, and I'm thankful for that.  She was perfect in my eyes.  I visited mama about three times before daddy took her parental rights away.  She couldn't stay sober long enough for me to stay with her overnight.  I have only vague memories of her, and then I never saw her again.  I longed for her for so many years, wondering what ever happened to her.  I contacted "The Montel Show", back in 1998, when I was 19. I thought he could help me find her somehow.  However, the airmail letter from the producers pretty much said I didn't have enough info for them to find her with.  Sylvia Brown = hogwash.  I lost hope and gave up, but never stopped thinking about mama.  

My dad went on to marry again, and my life started with a mean step-mom, meaner younger step-sister, and an older step-brother I still don't talk to this very day.  Long story short, my dad and step-mother became raging alcoholics themselves and put us three kids through the worst hell imaginable.  As soon as all three of us were old enough to leave home, we did.  I got married at 18 just to get out.  Divorced by the time I was 32.  

Jo, she took my mama in when she saw her selling shabby items on a small blanket next to the side of the road.  My mom explained to her that her boyfriend had beat her and run her off again.  Jo put my mama in a trailer next to her house rent free in exchange for housekeeping.  Mama was blinded by macular degeneration, she had slight peripheral vision.  She had just been approved to have her vision corrected through her insurance and was getting her disability squared away when she died at 62.  Horrible stories I wish Jo would have never told me about my mama, and the things that had happened to her.  This bastard tried burying her alive, forced her naked body out in the dead of winter to die in a ditch and much much more. After returning home from visiting her gravesite and getting the few things she owned from Jo, I cried myself to sleep for a week.  I couldn't imagine all the things she had gone through with that monster.  

After leaving home, my dad and I didn't speak for years.  He forbid me to marry so young and throw my life away, so he never walked me down the aisle.  That's ok my granny did, she had my back.  He didn't care about his grand kids either when they came along, and that really hurt me. We eventually came to speaking terms somehow oneday.  I had to get to know my dad again. My step-mother was killed in an automobile accident back in 2011,my dad married for the fifth time to his first love/highschool sweetheart last year.  

Four years ago while going through my divorce I asked my dad for help, for a place to live.  He had always said he would be there for me.  Well, he wasn't. He said it wouldn't be feasible to live out there.  However, my half-brother Jason pops up out of nowhere after all these years and is back in daddy's life.  Jason is now in complete charge of my dads land and home, left to him in a will.  My dad has a new life with a new wife, a cushy monthly income and no worries in the world.  An old friend from highschool ended up helping me out with $5,000.00 loan to start my life fresh.  

Aka: tinasnewlife. Back to living simply in my next blog.  I wanted you to have a "quick" rundown of my childhood.  

Roll with the punches

Its been a while since I've been able to have time to sit and write. Or to sit.  Baby Daniel has kept me very busy. He is 9 weeks old, and was doing what's called "cluster feeding".  I was literally nursing around the clock, I thought I was going to lose my mind.  I couldn't get anything done, literally had to carry him around nursing as I cooked or did anything.  I was crying along with the baby.  I thought for sure I was the only mom going through this tough time, but I've learned that it's common and won't last forever.  I believe baby Daniel is in a "rhythm" now.  Not necessarily a schedule by any means, but what I mean is about the same time everyday he does the same things. Like, waking up at 8:30-9 am wanting to play then eat and back to sleep.  Now that means I'm up and at me at that point, rushing around cleaning house like a mad woman hoping to get it all done before he wakes up.  

I've had a couple of people say to me, "pump! Give him a bottle so you can do stuff!"  I tried at first and couldn't handle the guilt of seeing a bottle in his mouth.  I can't pump a lot anyways because he eats so often.  Daniels doctor said to give him 4 ounces of water per one tsp of sugar to help relieve his bowels.  He does very well with a bottle, and I'm actually ok with it now.  He still nurses like a champ. 

At the end of October, baby Daniel stopped pooping on his own so I got concerned and called the doc. She said to try a few different things and the only one that worked was a children's suppository.  Bless his little heart he pooped so much, it looked like I poured a bottle of mustard in his diaper.  He had to of felt better I'm sure.  Another week goes by, no poopy....then another week.  I went ahead and took him to see his doctor just to make sure he was ok.  She checked him and said everything was fine, to try the sugar water and wait it out.  I couldn't imagine going that long without pooping!  So between what I thought was colic and constipation, I guess it's all just "normal".  It's not like I'm starting over here, or that I don't know what I'm doing but it's been 12 yrs for me and I'm worried about stuff just like a new mommy would be. I'll write more later and update on his poop status, be assured.

Baby Daniel is growing so fast and developing well too.  He loves when people talk to him, he coos and makes all kinds of cute noises.  He's laughed, but only in his sleep. He's holding his head up but doesn't like laying on his tummy too much right now.  Daniel is letting the family hold him for longer periods of time without fussing, that's really made things more enjoyable at home.  

We've been out and about a bunch now, daddy and I decided to wait until he was about 6 weeks old before we did any venturing.  Daniel loves car rides!  If he's screaming, the riding calms him right down and usually puts him to sleep.  He also loves his bath time and swinging in his swing.  

Now for the stuff I don't really care to talk about.....post partum depression.  I've always been tough emotionally, but I guess now I'm older things realllllly seem to bug me more.  They do this little test thing where you circle your answers and it's supposed to tell your doc if you're depressed or not.  I didn't know how it was scored all I know is that the nurse was surprised at how low my score was.  I basically told her I'm miserable and that I was feeling overwhelmingly guilty about everything.  Like I said earlier, felt like I was going to lose my mind.  She suggested I start on an anti-depressant and I didn't want to but I filled the script and went on about my business.  The bottle of Zoloft sat on my bedside table for about two weeks, and with that I cried with guilt and anxiety for two weeks. I finally broke and began my prescription hoping it would help.  So far I've almost completed one solid months worth, and I can honestly say I feel a ton better already.  No guilt, no extreme anxiety, no boo-hooing.  The guilt and crying were the worst I would have to say.  I felt like I had to be doing something all the time.  I didn't want to take any pills, but I'm glad that I'm happier so baby can be happy too.  

So were working on a three month old here at home, and it's wonderful.  Life around here is so much better now.  We have a lot to look forward too as a family.  It's never always easy, life is hard to say the least.  But some words of wisdom from a woman who is still alive at 102, and was married for 80 years her secret to a long marriage and life is "roll with the punches!" 

One handed eggs over easy

Life at home with baby - and other related topics

So I just learned I can crack an egg with not only one hand, but my left one at that.  I swear God gave women superpowers. Oh it's not a super power? Try it sometime without busting the yolk or getting shells in it.  Seriously though, women are simply put....tough.  We can withstand the pain of labor, and that alone should say enough.  However, it doesn't stop there.  Not only can we handle the most wretched physical pains, but emotional ones as well.  

If you could hear my thoughts, here's how it would go:

12:00 a.m.  Mommy in a sneaky fashion eases into bed with a sigh of relief that baby is down also.  Lights go out, baby wakes up!  What was I thinking? 

12:25 a.m.  Mommy finishes nursing, baby is out...again.  Ahhhhh this is great.  Puts baby down, "squirrrrrrrttttt!!!!"  Yep, that's what I call a "diaper blowout". But the baby is asleep....and it took hours of nursing to do so.  Well, you have to change him.  But it will wake him up again!  Baby cries because he doesn't like his diaper changed.  Fresh diaper, and now baby is rooting for food and gets mad because he doesn't immediately have any.  "Lord, thou art with me......"  Once more, I nurse him back to sleep. "Ahhhhh....."  Back to bed, again.  (You will go through a LOT of diapers!)

1:30 a.m.  "Wahhhhh!"  Time to nurse again.  Where is all this breast milk going?  Oh right, the "blowouts" every hour.  Well, I can look at the positive.  I don't get engorged!  And that my friend is painful.  Ok, back to bed.  

3:30 a.m. Or so...  You got it. Time to nurse again.  I think you get where I'm going with this.  My alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. I've literally had zero sleep.  

This is a glimpse of what it's really like in the beginning for some.  It can be hard for others to realize that with the blessings a new baby can bring into the home, it can also be very stressful and tiring at times as well.  

Breast feeding ~ my experience.

My oldest, Destiny (15 yrs). 

 I nursed her for the first six weeks of her life.  She had acid reflux with projectile spit up.  Literally like the girl from the Exorcist, it was so scary for me.  I would nurse every thirty minutes with no luck.  Her latch was painful, and my nipples bled. Yes....bled. Lasinoh works great for nipple pain, as well as your own breast milk on the nipple to help healing.  Needless to say your body naturally picks up on the fact your child struggles and begins adjusting to their needs.  Unfortunately, I had to begin bottle feeding.  

My first son, Tyler (12 yrs in the middle)

We got lucky, he nursed well and I was able to nurse him for five months.  The reason he began weaning, he was HUNGRY!  Tyler hit growth spurts and to this day still growing like crazy staying within the 90% on his growth charts.  

Now I'm exclusively breast feeding my newborn son Daniel, and so far it's going great!  He nurses very often (no set schedule really).  I nurse when he acts hungry or begins rooting.  And I've obviously produced plenty of milk seeing how he's still alive and well at 13 days old.  

How does breast feeding work? How does it feel? (For soon-to-be moms or new moms)

If you've had a baby and have went through breast feeding then you already have had your own experience.  However, I'm sharing my own personal experience for those who might still wonder.  For me, I insist on exclusive breast feeding.  This means no bottles or pacifiers (unless you have to return to work you can't help it of course).  Some babies are colicky, so offering a pacifier or even a bottle is the only choice for some.  Some things can't be helped.  However, you'll notice how exclusive breast feeding for as long as possible makes for the greatest bonding experience with your baby.  It's the greatest feeling to know you are what they need, and giving them what they need is what being a mother is all about.  You won't regret it!  

Breast feeding isn't easy, as a matter of fact even the best nursers can cause pain when they latch. Little Daniel has nursed well from birth until now, but let me tell you when he latches on he means business and it hurts!  However, after a few minutes I hardly notice, to me it's worth the pain.  Lactation "professionals" would say, "it's not supposed to hurt". I say not all women have the same breast anatomy, and not all babies have the same latching and sucking either.  Breast feeding is different for every mom and baby.  I had a nurse in the hospital say, "nope nope hold him this way....he's too low..."  She literally took my nipple and placed it in Daniels mouth.  I was thinking, "lady.....I got this". However, she ensured that I wasn't going to give up, which I had no intentions of doing.  Daniel was such a sleepy baby when he was first born I guess she thought I was going to let him sleep verses nursing.  

When you are snuggled up with your newborn latched onto your breast, and you can hear them swallowing I believe you'll fall in love with breast feeding.  They will poop and pee a lot, and even spit up quite a bit.  Babies have tiny, developing digestive systems and this is just what they do.  As long as they are doing these things, you're doing just fine and your supply is great.  I'm not taking supplements , simply drinking lots of water and eating as healthy as I can.  If your newborn eats like mine which means a lot, then you might find yourself learning new skills such as cracking eggs into a frying pan...left handed. I have a new cooking talent! 

My Love Story ❤️

My love story

I would like to begin with how this wonderful new world all started for me.  I met the love of my life Daniel Lee jr. Back in November 2007 when I started a job at the same place he worked.   It was love at first sight, a bit cliche however very true.  I literally fell head over heels.  

We exchanged numbers and began seeing one another by January of 2008.  Daniel was quick to let me know he wasn't able to have children.  So by 2011 after being together for 3 years, we talked about kids, but the reality of actually having them was nowhere in sight. It saddened both of us, but somehow we managed to accept the fact.  Daniel wanted a son, and I was more than willing to give him one. 

Tragedy and A Gift From Above

September 2012, Daniels mother lost her life due to a tragic accident.  

New Years Day 2013, was the first day of my last period.  Daniel and I became concerned that maybe something was seriously wrong with me.  After a few weeks of no period, we decided I better get a pregnancy test...or four.  We just thought, "there's no way!" Lo and behold, there is always a way.  All four tests were positive.  We still couldn't believe it, so I scheduled an appointment to be "officially" tested, and sure enough we were pregnant. Five weeks along already. 

We were in such blissful shock, as the weeks rolled by we finally settled upon the fact that we were going to be parents!  Daniel and I also decided that there's no other explanation for this miracle other than it had to be a gift from above, a gift from his sweet mother.  She was taken from us exactly one year ago, and in exchange a beautiful baby boy. Just what Daniel had always longed for.  

The Journey Begins

Daniel and I begin preparing for this new life we are about to embark upon.  

My due date is October 8, 2013.  We're ready and begin counting down weeks.  This pregnancy was different from my two previous ones with my daughter and son.  My skin broke out horribly  due to hormones, I became hot all the time, and let's not forget good 'ol morning sickness which I had my entire pregnancy.  Let me say that for me, Zofran was a lifesaver for that.   

As the weeks fly by, my belly grew so big.  Nearing my due date, sleeping and any physical activity was challenging for me.  I wanted my baby boy here, I was more than ready just like Daniel and the rest of the family.  The excitement of a new baby had everyone getting impatient for Daniel Lee's arrival.  

Daniel's Birthday - it's Time!

The morning of September 25th, I awoke at 6:00 a.m. to start my normal routine of getting the kids ready for their school day.  First off, I went to use the bathroom and discovered some blood in my underwear.  At first I panicked, I literally paced in circles in my bathroom.    Once I realized what was happening, I decided to carry on with my morning until my 38 week checkup appointment at 10:45 a.m.  I drove the kids to school while I was in the first stages of labor.  By the time Daniel and I arrived at the doctors office, I had began hard labor.  I get checked in, and while waiting on the doctor I was timing my contractions.  

They came fast, hard and regular. This was it, it was really happening!  Our baby boy was finally going to make his big debut.  The doc walks in and I tell her how I'm in labor.  Maybe she thinks I don't really know what I'm talking about, but in between contractions she manages to check my cervix.  I'm at a 4, and quickly progressing.  But nobody knew exactly how fast things were going to go from here.  The doc admits me into labor and delivery, and by 1:55 pm, my water breaks and before I knew it I'm in my room getting prepped for my epidural as my contractions are so painful I'm pretty much screaming and crying at this point.  

Finally, the epidural kicks in and I'm well on my way.  Daniel was such a good coach, offering his hand during my contractions.  He hated to see me in such pain, however I was able to smile and talk until the doc says, "ok let's check you.........I think we can push now!"  I couldn't believe it, things had went so fast.  Three hard pushes later and our little miracle was born.  The rush of emotions distracted me from how serious things were.  I hemmoraged and lost 750 mL of blood, twice the normal amount lost for a normal delivery.  The doc gets the bleeding under control, and life as we know it has changed forever.  This tiny life squealing on my chest, it was love at first sight. Again.  Daniel jr. stole my heart 6 years ago, and now Daniel Lee III.  

Life at home with Daniel Lee

As with any newborn, Daniel eats, sleeps, poops and cries and I couldn't be happier.   He nurses well, and has gained back five ounces since leaving the hospital six days ago.  His checkup yesterday went very well.  I love being a new mommy again, I get to experience all the rewards of motherhood again.  I haven't left my bedroom much in the past six days, feeding Daniel around the clock, changing dirty diapers, and watching this little angel sleep. I'm enjoying every minute of it, as I've written this post throughout today while nursing or holding my new bundle of joy.