Roll with the punches

Its been a while since I've been able to have time to sit and write. Or to sit.  Baby Daniel has kept me very busy. He is 9 weeks old, and was doing what's called "cluster feeding".  I was literally nursing around the clock, I thought I was going to lose my mind.  I couldn't get anything done, literally had to carry him around nursing as I cooked or did anything.  I was crying along with the baby.  I thought for sure I was the only mom going through this tough time, but I've learned that it's common and won't last forever.  I believe baby Daniel is in a "rhythm" now.  Not necessarily a schedule by any means, but what I mean is about the same time everyday he does the same things. Like, waking up at 8:30-9 am wanting to play then eat and back to sleep.  Now that means I'm up and at me at that point, rushing around cleaning house like a mad woman hoping to get it all done before he wakes up.  

I've had a couple of people say to me, "pump! Give him a bottle so you can do stuff!"  I tried at first and couldn't handle the guilt of seeing a bottle in his mouth.  I can't pump a lot anyways because he eats so often.  Daniels doctor said to give him 4 ounces of water per one tsp of sugar to help relieve his bowels.  He does very well with a bottle, and I'm actually ok with it now.  He still nurses like a champ. 

At the end of October, baby Daniel stopped pooping on his own so I got concerned and called the doc. She said to try a few different things and the only one that worked was a children's suppository.  Bless his little heart he pooped so much, it looked like I poured a bottle of mustard in his diaper.  He had to of felt better I'm sure.  Another week goes by, no poopy....then another week.  I went ahead and took him to see his doctor just to make sure he was ok.  She checked him and said everything was fine, to try the sugar water and wait it out.  I couldn't imagine going that long without pooping!  So between what I thought was colic and constipation, I guess it's all just "normal".  It's not like I'm starting over here, or that I don't know what I'm doing but it's been 12 yrs for me and I'm worried about stuff just like a new mommy would be. I'll write more later and update on his poop status, be assured.

Baby Daniel is growing so fast and developing well too.  He loves when people talk to him, he coos and makes all kinds of cute noises.  He's laughed, but only in his sleep. He's holding his head up but doesn't like laying on his tummy too much right now.  Daniel is letting the family hold him for longer periods of time without fussing, that's really made things more enjoyable at home.  

We've been out and about a bunch now, daddy and I decided to wait until he was about 6 weeks old before we did any venturing.  Daniel loves car rides!  If he's screaming, the riding calms him right down and usually puts him to sleep.  He also loves his bath time and swinging in his swing.  

Now for the stuff I don't really care to talk about.....post partum depression.  I've always been tough emotionally, but I guess now I'm older things realllllly seem to bug me more.  They do this little test thing where you circle your answers and it's supposed to tell your doc if you're depressed or not.  I didn't know how it was scored all I know is that the nurse was surprised at how low my score was.  I basically told her I'm miserable and that I was feeling overwhelmingly guilty about everything.  Like I said earlier, felt like I was going to lose my mind.  She suggested I start on an anti-depressant and I didn't want to but I filled the script and went on about my business.  The bottle of Zoloft sat on my bedside table for about two weeks, and with that I cried with guilt and anxiety for two weeks. I finally broke and began my prescription hoping it would help.  So far I've almost completed one solid months worth, and I can honestly say I feel a ton better already.  No guilt, no extreme anxiety, no boo-hooing.  The guilt and crying were the worst I would have to say.  I felt like I had to be doing something all the time.  I didn't want to take any pills, but I'm glad that I'm happier so baby can be happy too.  

So were working on a three month old here at home, and it's wonderful.  Life around here is so much better now.  We have a lot to look forward too as a family.  It's never always easy, life is hard to say the least.  But some words of wisdom from a woman who is still alive at 102, and was married for 80 years her secret to a long marriage and life is "roll with the punches!" 

One handed eggs over easy

Life at home with baby - and other related topics

So I just learned I can crack an egg with not only one hand, but my left one at that.  I swear God gave women superpowers. Oh it's not a super power? Try it sometime without busting the yolk or getting shells in it.  Seriously though, women are simply put....tough.  We can withstand the pain of labor, and that alone should say enough.  However, it doesn't stop there.  Not only can we handle the most wretched physical pains, but emotional ones as well.  

If you could hear my thoughts, here's how it would go:

12:00 a.m.  Mommy in a sneaky fashion eases into bed with a sigh of relief that baby is down also.  Lights go out, baby wakes up!  What was I thinking? 

12:25 a.m.  Mommy finishes nursing, baby is out...again.  Ahhhhh this is great.  Puts baby down, "squirrrrrrrttttt!!!!"  Yep, that's what I call a "diaper blowout". But the baby is asleep....and it took hours of nursing to do so.  Well, you have to change him.  But it will wake him up again!  Baby cries because he doesn't like his diaper changed.  Fresh diaper, and now baby is rooting for food and gets mad because he doesn't immediately have any.  "Lord, thou art with me......"  Once more, I nurse him back to sleep. "Ahhhhh....."  Back to bed, again.  (You will go through a LOT of diapers!)

1:30 a.m.  "Wahhhhh!"  Time to nurse again.  Where is all this breast milk going?  Oh right, the "blowouts" every hour.  Well, I can look at the positive.  I don't get engorged!  And that my friend is painful.  Ok, back to bed.  

3:30 a.m. Or so...  You got it. Time to nurse again.  I think you get where I'm going with this.  My alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. I've literally had zero sleep.  

This is a glimpse of what it's really like in the beginning for some.  It can be hard for others to realize that with the blessings a new baby can bring into the home, it can also be very stressful and tiring at times as well.  

Breast feeding ~ my experience.

My oldest, Destiny (15 yrs). 

 I nursed her for the first six weeks of her life.  She had acid reflux with projectile spit up.  Literally like the girl from the Exorcist, it was so scary for me.  I would nurse every thirty minutes with no luck.  Her latch was painful, and my nipples bled. Yes....bled. Lasinoh works great for nipple pain, as well as your own breast milk on the nipple to help healing.  Needless to say your body naturally picks up on the fact your child struggles and begins adjusting to their needs.  Unfortunately, I had to begin bottle feeding.  

My first son, Tyler (12 yrs in the middle)

We got lucky, he nursed well and I was able to nurse him for five months.  The reason he began weaning, he was HUNGRY!  Tyler hit growth spurts and to this day still growing like crazy staying within the 90% on his growth charts.  

Now I'm exclusively breast feeding my newborn son Daniel, and so far it's going great!  He nurses very often (no set schedule really).  I nurse when he acts hungry or begins rooting.  And I've obviously produced plenty of milk seeing how he's still alive and well at 13 days old.  

How does breast feeding work? How does it feel? (For soon-to-be moms or new moms)

If you've had a baby and have went through breast feeding then you already have had your own experience.  However, I'm sharing my own personal experience for those who might still wonder.  For me, I insist on exclusive breast feeding.  This means no bottles or pacifiers (unless you have to return to work you can't help it of course).  Some babies are colicky, so offering a pacifier or even a bottle is the only choice for some.  Some things can't be helped.  However, you'll notice how exclusive breast feeding for as long as possible makes for the greatest bonding experience with your baby.  It's the greatest feeling to know you are what they need, and giving them what they need is what being a mother is all about.  You won't regret it!  

Breast feeding isn't easy, as a matter of fact even the best nursers can cause pain when they latch. Little Daniel has nursed well from birth until now, but let me tell you when he latches on he means business and it hurts!  However, after a few minutes I hardly notice, to me it's worth the pain.  Lactation "professionals" would say, "it's not supposed to hurt". I say not all women have the same breast anatomy, and not all babies have the same latching and sucking either.  Breast feeding is different for every mom and baby.  I had a nurse in the hospital say, "nope nope hold him this way....he's too low..."  She literally took my nipple and placed it in Daniels mouth.  I was thinking, "lady.....I got this". However, she ensured that I wasn't going to give up, which I had no intentions of doing.  Daniel was such a sleepy baby when he was first born I guess she thought I was going to let him sleep verses nursing.  

When you are snuggled up with your newborn latched onto your breast, and you can hear them swallowing I believe you'll fall in love with breast feeding.  They will poop and pee a lot, and even spit up quite a bit.  Babies have tiny, developing digestive systems and this is just what they do.  As long as they are doing these things, you're doing just fine and your supply is great.  I'm not taking supplements , simply drinking lots of water and eating as healthy as I can.  If your newborn eats like mine which means a lot, then you might find yourself learning new skills such as cracking eggs into a frying pan...left handed. I have a new cooking talent! 

My Love Story ❤️

My love story

I would like to begin with how this wonderful new world all started for me.  I met the love of my life Daniel Lee jr. Back in November 2007 when I started a job at the same place he worked.   It was love at first sight, a bit cliche however very true.  I literally fell head over heels.  

We exchanged numbers and began seeing one another by January of 2008.  Daniel was quick to let me know he wasn't able to have children.  So by 2011 after being together for 3 years, we talked about kids, but the reality of actually having them was nowhere in sight. It saddened both of us, but somehow we managed to accept the fact.  Daniel wanted a son, and I was more than willing to give him one. 

Tragedy and A Gift From Above

September 2012, Daniels mother lost her life due to a tragic accident.  

New Years Day 2013, was the first day of my last period.  Daniel and I became concerned that maybe something was seriously wrong with me.  After a few weeks of no period, we decided I better get a pregnancy test...or four.  We just thought, "there's no way!" Lo and behold, there is always a way.  All four tests were positive.  We still couldn't believe it, so I scheduled an appointment to be "officially" tested, and sure enough we were pregnant. Five weeks along already. 

We were in such blissful shock, as the weeks rolled by we finally settled upon the fact that we were going to be parents!  Daniel and I also decided that there's no other explanation for this miracle other than it had to be a gift from above, a gift from his sweet mother.  She was taken from us exactly one year ago, and in exchange a beautiful baby boy. Just what Daniel had always longed for.  

The Journey Begins

Daniel and I begin preparing for this new life we are about to embark upon.  

My due date is October 8, 2013.  We're ready and begin counting down weeks.  This pregnancy was different from my two previous ones with my daughter and son.  My skin broke out horribly  due to hormones, I became hot all the time, and let's not forget good 'ol morning sickness which I had my entire pregnancy.  Let me say that for me, Zofran was a lifesaver for that.   

As the weeks fly by, my belly grew so big.  Nearing my due date, sleeping and any physical activity was challenging for me.  I wanted my baby boy here, I was more than ready just like Daniel and the rest of the family.  The excitement of a new baby had everyone getting impatient for Daniel Lee's arrival.  

Daniel's Birthday - it's Time!

The morning of September 25th, I awoke at 6:00 a.m. to start my normal routine of getting the kids ready for their school day.  First off, I went to use the bathroom and discovered some blood in my underwear.  At first I panicked, I literally paced in circles in my bathroom.    Once I realized what was happening, I decided to carry on with my morning until my 38 week checkup appointment at 10:45 a.m.  I drove the kids to school while I was in the first stages of labor.  By the time Daniel and I arrived at the doctors office, I had began hard labor.  I get checked in, and while waiting on the doctor I was timing my contractions.  

They came fast, hard and regular. This was it, it was really happening!  Our baby boy was finally going to make his big debut.  The doc walks in and I tell her how I'm in labor.  Maybe she thinks I don't really know what I'm talking about, but in between contractions she manages to check my cervix.  I'm at a 4, and quickly progressing.  But nobody knew exactly how fast things were going to go from here.  The doc admits me into labor and delivery, and by 1:55 pm, my water breaks and before I knew it I'm in my room getting prepped for my epidural as my contractions are so painful I'm pretty much screaming and crying at this point.  

Finally, the epidural kicks in and I'm well on my way.  Daniel was such a good coach, offering his hand during my contractions.  He hated to see me in such pain, however I was able to smile and talk until the doc says, "ok let's check you.........I think we can push now!"  I couldn't believe it, things had went so fast.  Three hard pushes later and our little miracle was born.  The rush of emotions distracted me from how serious things were.  I hemmoraged and lost 750 mL of blood, twice the normal amount lost for a normal delivery.  The doc gets the bleeding under control, and life as we know it has changed forever.  This tiny life squealing on my chest, it was love at first sight. Again.  Daniel jr. stole my heart 6 years ago, and now Daniel Lee III.  

Life at home with Daniel Lee

As with any newborn, Daniel eats, sleeps, poops and cries and I couldn't be happier.   He nurses well, and has gained back five ounces since leaving the hospital six days ago.  His checkup yesterday went very well.  I love being a new mommy again, I get to experience all the rewards of motherhood again.  I haven't left my bedroom much in the past six days, feeding Daniel around the clock, changing dirty diapers, and watching this little angel sleep. I'm enjoying every minute of it, as I've written this post throughout today while nursing or holding my new bundle of joy.