"Till the water runs cold"

For just a little over a month now, my life has has taken a turn I never expected.  A turn that any mother or woman in this world should never have to experience.  Not only did I leave my fiancé, I've had to fight a slight custody battle with my ex husband, out of nowhere.  Boom. I ask the universe, "Why me?", and then I remember someone in church saying once, "why NOT me?"  

You always wonder what might be going on in someone's life, what makes them act the way they do.  Having hard times maybe, family issues, financial problems, pain and suffering from a loved ones loss...or at least I do.  I wonder, "is that person struggling like me?"  "I bet they have no clue what I'm going through".  However, surprisingly enough some have been through worse situations.  I know of a brave soul who is literally dealing with the struggle of her husbands cancer.  And yet I complain and worry?  Worry about what??  I don't even want to imagine if anyone else I love in my life were dealing with the most evil and non-forgiving disease cancer.  

I'm tolerant and somewhat patient, but don't mess with my children's well being.  When my babies cry, my feathers fluff and they "fluffed" yesterday around 4:15 pm when my oldest son Tyler called me frantic.  Not even able to talk clearly and get his words out to me, basically having a panic attack.  In a nutshell, my ex husband Tom is moving to Charleston, SC for a job (4 hour away) with plans on taking Tyler who is almost 14 years old with him full time.  Tyler finally decided on his own he didn't want to go, and his dad had a hard time with this.  On the drive back up from Charleston yesterday evening my ex husband gets the message from Tyler that he doesn't want to live there full time, he wants to stay in North Carolina with me and visit his dad in Charleston.  This had Tyler scared, so scared he was asking me what to do every minute via text.  I immediately went into "save my kid" mode.  Tyler was happily playing at a buddy's house, next thing I know I'm asking his buddy's parent to please take Tyler to his grand-mothers house fast before his dad gets back in 45 minutes.  Tyler was at first alone there asking me what to do if daddy gets there.

 I felt helpless, I was twenty minutes away.  Tom was not in a rational state of mind.  Next thing I know, I've rounded up the calvary there before Tom even had a chance to get back waiting on him,Toms wife, mom and dad.  All of which are on Tyler's side at this point.  Poor Tyler, having to suffer because of adults not being adults. For a kid who can't speak well especially when his emotions have him upset, he handled himself very well and I'm proud of him.  The last text I received from Tyler last night was great.  

It's hard to explain the bond between a mother and her child, so I will try to give you my take on what it's like for those of you without children, or those who might not fully understand.  I guess imagine an invisible umbilical cord, from mama to the baby that never gets cut. The same for the bond that happens.  I was going to try and use material objects and possession loss as a comparison to what I felt yesterday.  Not even that comes slightly close to the way I felt.  I have three humans in this big galaxy who deeply depend on me, their mama.  They need me, love me and make my life worth living.  I will fight a grizzly bear for them if need be, a mothers love is untouched.  

I'm very content this morning as I sit here sipping my coffee.  All three of my kids will be with me full time now.  Daniel and I are working things out as I've "taught" him his lesson he says.  I want to be a family, we might not always function perfectly as most families don't, lol......however we will function better, one day at a time.  I never know what each new day will bring, but I will tell you this...I'm stronger today than I was yesterday.  My heart feels all fluttery inside, warm and fuzzy.  That snuggly feeling you get when you get a tight hug from your children.  I can't wait to see Tyler again so I can hug him tight.  He's bigger than me, he even has to bend down to hug me.  He and I will never forget, "Till the water runs cold". 

My daughter holds a special place in my heart.  Destiny is 16, with such tremendous logic.  She was such a huge help to Tyler and I yesterday giving both of us advice via text while she was at work.  I ask Destiny to help with Tyler a lot, she's the only other person I know who loves Tyler almost as her own, even though they are siblings.  I love you Destiny, I know your nosy self will be reading this. ;) thank you for being you.